Actus Secundus. Scena Prima.
[Act 2, Scene 1]
Enter a Carrier with a Lanterne in his hand.
Heigh‑ho, an't be not foure by the day, Ile be
Charles waine is ouer the new Chimney, and yet
our horse not packt. What Ostler?
I prethee Tom, beate Cuts Saddle, put a few
Flockes in the point: the poore Iade is wrung in the wi
thers, out of all cesse.
Enter another Carrier.
Pease and Beanes are as danke here as a Dog,
and this is the next way to giue poore Iades the Bottes:
This house is turned vpside downe since
Robin the Ostler
Poore fellow neuer ioy'd since the price of oats
rose, it was the death of him.
I thinke this is the most villanous house in al
London rode for Fleas: I am stung like a Tench.
Like a Tench
? There is ne're a King in Chri
stendome, could be better bit, then I haue beene since the
Why, you will allow vs ne're a
then we leake in your Chimney: and your Chamber‑lye
breeds Fleas like a Loach.
What Ostler, come away, and be hangd: come
I haue a Gammon of Bacon, and two razes of
Ginger, to be deliuered as farre as Charing‑crosse.
The Turkies in my Pannier are quite starued.
What Ostler? A plague on thee, hast thou neuer an eye in
thy head? Can'st not heare? And t'were not as good a
deed as drinke, to break the pate of thee, I am a very Vil
laine. Come and be hang'd, hast no faith in thee?
Good‑morrow Carriers. What's a clocke?
I thinke it be two a clocke.
I prethee lend me thy Lanthome to see my Gel
ding in the stable.
Nay soft I pray ye, I know a trick worth two
I prethee lend me thine.
I, when, canst tell
? Lend mee thy Lanthorne
(quoth a) marry Ile see thee hang'd first.
Sirra Carrier: What time do you mean to come
Time enough to goe to bed with a Candle, I
warrant thee. Come neighbour
Mugges, wee'll call vp
the Gentlemen, they will along with company, for they
haue great charge.
What ho, Chamberlaine?
At hand quoth Pick‑purse.
That's euen as faire, as at hand quoth the Cham
berlaine: For thou variest no more from picking of Pur
ses, then giuing direction, doth from labouring. Thou
lay'st the plot, how.
Good morrow Master
Gads‑Hill, it holds cur
rant that I told you yesternight. There's a Franklin in the
wilde of Kent, hath brought three hundred Markes with
him in Gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last
night at Supper; a kinde of Auditor, one that hath abun
dance of charge too (God knowes what) they are vp al
ready, and call for Egges and Butter. They will away
Sirra, if they meete not with
Ile giue thee this necke.
No, Ile none of it: I prythee keep that for the
Hangman, for I know thou worshipst
Nicholas as tru
ly as a man of falshood may.
What talkest thou to me of the Hangman? If I
hang, Ile make a fat payre of Gallowes. For, if I hang,
Iohn hangs with mee, and thou know'st hee's no
Starueling. Tut, there are other Troians that y
not of, the which (for sport sake) are content to doe the
Profession some grace; that would (if matters should bee
look'd into) for their owne Credit sake, make all Whole.
I am ioyned with no Foot‑land‑Rakers, no Long‑staffe
six‑penny strikers, none of these mad Mustachio‑purple‑
hu'd‑Maltwormes, but with Nobility, and Tranquilitie;
Bourgomasters, and great Oneyers, such as can holde in,
such as will strike sooner then speake; and speake sooner
then drinke, and drinke sooner then pray: and yet I lye,
for they pray continually vnto their Saint the Common
wealth; or rather, not to pray to her, but prey on her: for
they ride vp & downe on her, and make hir their Boots.
What, the Commonwealth their Bootes? Will
she hold out water in foule way?
She will, she will; Iustice hath liquor'd her. We
steale as in a Castle, cocksure: we haue the receit of Fern
seede, we walke inuisible.
Nay, I thinke rather, you are more beholding
to the Night, then to the Fernseed, for your walking in
Giue me thy hand.
Thou shalt haue a share in our purpose,
As I am a true man.
Nay, rather let mee haue it, as you are a false
Homo is a common name to all men.
Bid the Ostler bring the Gelding out of the stable. Fare
well, ye muddy Knaue.