[Act 5, Scene 1]
Enter Fluellen and Gower.
Nay, that's right: but why weare you your
Leeke to day? S.
Dauies day is
There is occasions and causes why and wherefore
in all things: I will tell you asse my friend, Captaine
Gower; the rascally, scauld, beggerly, lowsie, pragging
Pistoll, which you and your selfe, and all the World,
know to be no petter then a fellow, looke you now, of no
merits: hee is come to me, and prings me pread and
sault yesterday, looke you, and bid me eate my Leeke:
it was in a place where I could not breed no contention
with him; but I will be so bold as to weare it in my Cap
till I see him once againe, and then I will tell him a little
piece of my desires.
Why heere hee comes, swelling like a Turky
'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his Turky-
cocks. God plesse you aunchient
Pistoll: you scuruie low-
sie Knaue, God plesse you.
Ha, art thou bedlam? doest thou thirst, base
Troian, to haue me fold vp Parcas fatall Web? Hence;
I am qualmish at the smell of Leeke.
I peseech you heartily, scuruie lowsie Knaue, at
my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eate,
looke you, this Leeke; because, looke you, you doe not
loue it, nor your affections, and your appetites and your
disgestions doo's not agree with it, I would desire you
to eate it.
Cadwallader and all his Goats.
There is one Goat for you.
Will you be so good, scauld Knaue, as eate it?
Base Troian, thou shalt dye.
You say very true, scauld Knaue, when Gods
will is: I will desire you to liue in the meane time, and
eate your Victuals: come, there is sawce for it. You
call'd me yesterday Mountaine-Squier, but I will make
you to day a squire of low degree. I pray you fall too, if
you can mocke a Leeke, you can eate a Leeke.
Enough Captaine, you haue astonisht him.
I say, I will make him eate some part of my leeke,
or I will peate his pate foure dayes: bite I pray you, it is
good for your greene wound, and your ploodie Coxe-
Must I bite.
Yes certainly, and out of doubt and out of que-
stion too, and ambiguities.
By this Leeke, I will most horribly reuenge I
eate and eate I sweare.
Eate I pray you, will you haue some more sauce
to your Leeke: there is not enough Leeke to sweare by.
Quiet thy Cudgell, thou dost see I eate.
Much good do you scald knaue, heartily. Nay,
pray you throw none away, the skinne is good for your
broken Coxcombe; when you take occasions to see
Leekes heereafter, I pray you mocke at 'em, that is all.
I, Leekes is good: hold you, there is a groat to
heale your pate.
Me a groat?
Yes verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I haue
another Leeke in my pocket, which you shall eate.
I take thy groat in earnest of reuenge.
If I owe you any thing, I will pay you in Cud-
gels, you shall be a Woodmonger, and buy nothing of
me but cudgels: God bu'y you, and keepe you, & heale
All hell shall stirre for this.
Go, go, you are a counterfeit cowardly Knaue,
will you mocke at an ancient Tradition began vppon an
honourable respect, and worne as a memorable Trophee
of predeceased valor, and dare not auouch in your deeds
any of your words. I haue seene you gleeking & galling
at this Gentleman twice or thrice. You thought, because
he could not speake English in the natiue garb, he could
not therefore handle an English Cudgell: you finde it o-
therwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction, teach
you a good English condition, fare ye well.
Doeth fortune play the huswife with me now?
Newes haue I that my
Doll is dead i'th Spittle of a mala-
dy of France, and there my rendeuous; is quite cut off:
Old I do waxe, and from my wearie limbes honour is
Cudgeld. Well, Baud Ile turne, and something leane to
Cut-purse of quicke hand: To England will I steale, and
there Ile steale:
And patches will I get vnto these cudgeld scarres,
And swore I got them in the Gallia warres.