Scœna Secunda.
[Act 4, Scene 2]
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Mar.
Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,
make him beleeue thou art sir
Topas the Curate, doe it
quickly. Ile call sir
Toby the whilst.
Clo.
[1915]
Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe
in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good
Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good hous
[1920]
keeper goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great
scholler. The Competitors enter.
Enter Toby.
To.
Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
Clo.
Bonos dies sir
Toby: for as the old hermit of
Prage
that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece
[1925]
of King
Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson,
am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To.
To him sir
Topas.
Clow.
What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
To.
The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Maluolio within.
Mal.
[1930]
Who cals there?
Clo.
Sir
Topas the Curate, who comes to visit
Maluo
lio
the Lunaticke.
Mal.
Sir
Topas, sir
Topas, good sir
Topas goe to my
Ladie.
Clo.
[1935]
Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this
man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies
?
Tob.
Well said M. Parson.
Mal.
Sir
Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good
sir
Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
[1940]
heere in hideous darknesse.
Clo.
Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,
that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
that house is darke?
Mal.
[1945]
As hell sir
Topas.
Clo.
Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as bari
cadoes, and the cleere stores toward the South north, are
as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of ob
struction?
Mal.
[1950]
I am not mad sir
Topas, I say to you this house is
darke,
Clo.
Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the
Ægyptians in their fogge.
Mal.
[1955]
I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh
Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was ne
uer man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,
make the triall of it in any constant question.
Clo.
What is the opinion of
Pythagoras concerning
[1960]
Wilde‑fowle?
Mal.
That the soule of our grandam, might happily
inhabite a bird.
Clo.
What thinkst thou of his opinion
?
Mal.
I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue
[1965]
his opinion.
Clo.
Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,
thou shalt hold th' opinion of
Pythagoras, ere I will allow
of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dis
possesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Mal.
[1970]
Sir
Topas, sir
Topas.
Tob.
My most exquisite sir
Topas.
Clo.
Nay I am for all waters.
Mar.
Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
and gowne, he sees thee not.
To.
[1975]
To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word
how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would
he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,
that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppe
[1980]
shot. Come by and by to my Chamber.
Exit
Clo.
Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady
does.
Mal.
Foole.
Clo.
My Lady is vnkind,
perdie.
Mal.
[1985]
Foole.
Clo.
Alas why is she so?
Mal.
Foole, I say.
Clo.
She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Mal.
Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at
[1990]
my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:
as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee
for't.
Clo.
M.
Maluolio?
Mal.
I good Foole.
Clo.
[1995]
Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Mall.
Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie a
bus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
Clo.
But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be
no better in your wits then a foole.
Mal.
[2000]
They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they
can to face me out of my wits.
Clo.
Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: en
[2005]
deauour thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble
babble.
Mal.
Sir
Topas.
Clo.
Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Mar
[2010]
ry Amen. I will sir, I will.
Mal.
Foole, foole, foole I say.
Clo.
Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent
for speaking to you.
Mal.
Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some
[2015]
paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in
Illyria.
Clo.
Well‑a‑day, that you were sir.
Mal.
By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, pa
per, and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
[2020]
Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bea
ring of Letter did.
Clo.
I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
Mal.
Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
Clo.
[2025]
Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke.
Mal.
Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:
I prethee be gone.
Clo.
I am gone sir, and anon sir,
[2030]
Ile be with you againe:
In a trice, like to the old vice,
your neede to sustaine.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
cries ah ha, to the diuell:
[2035]
Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,
Adieu good man diuell.
Exit