[Act 4, Scene 2]
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,
make him beleeue thou art sir
Topas the Curate, doe it
quickly. Ile call sir
Toby the whilst.
Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe
in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good
Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good hous
keeper goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great
scholler. The Competitors enter.
Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
Bonos dies sir
Toby: for as the old hermit of
that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece
Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson,
am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To him sir
What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Who cals there?
Topas the Curate, who comes to visit
Topas, good sir
Topas goe to my
Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this
man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies
Well said M. Parson.
Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good
Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
heere in hideous darknesse.
Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,
that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
that house is darke?
As hell sir
Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as bari
cadoes, and the cleere stores toward the South north, are
as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of ob
I am not mad sir
Topas, I say to you this house is
Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the
Ægyptians in their fogge.
I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh
Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was ne
uer man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,
make the triall of it in any constant question.
What is the opinion of
That the soule of our grandam, might happily
inhabite a bird.
What thinkst thou of his opinion
I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue
Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,
thou shalt hold th' opinion of
Pythagoras, ere I will allow
of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dis
possesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
My most exquisite sir
Nay I am for all waters.
Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
and gowne, he sees thee not.
To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word
how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would
he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,
that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppe
shot. Come by and by to my Chamber.
Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady
My Lady is vnkind,
Alas why is she so?
Foole, I say.
She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at
my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:
as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee
I good Foole.
Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie a
bus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be
no better in your wits then a foole.
They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they
can to face me out of my wits.
Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: en
deauour thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble
Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Mar
ry Amen. I will sir, I will.
Foole, foole, foole I say.
Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent
for speaking to you.
Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some
paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in
Well‑a‑day, that you were sir.
By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, pa
per, and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bea
ring of Letter did.
I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke.
Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:
I prethee be gone.
I am gone sir, and anon sir,
Ile be with you againe:
In a trice, like to the old vice,
your neede to sustaine.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
cries ah ha, to the diuell:
Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,
Adieu good man diuell.