Available for reuse, according to the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported.
[18], 303, [1], 46, 49-100, [2], 69-232, [2], 79-80, [26], 76, 79-82, 80-98, [2], 109-156, 257-993 [i.e. 399], [1] p.; fol.
Numbering peculiarities: 1st count: p.50 misnumbered 58; p.59 misnumbered 51; p.86 misnumbered 88; p.153 misnumbered 151; p.161 misnumbered] 163; p.164 misnumbered 162; p. 165 misnumbered 163; p. 189 misnumbered 187; p. 249 misnumbered 251; p.250 misnumbered 252; p. 265 misnumbered 273 -- 2nd count: p.37 misnumbered 39 in some copies; p.89 misnumbered 91; p. 90 misnumbered 92 -- 3rd count: p.165-166 numbered 167 and 168 respectively; p. 216 numbered 218 -- 5th count: p. 279 misnumbered 259; p. 282 misnumbered 280; p.308 misnumbered 38; p. 379 misnumbered 389; p. 399 misnumbered 993.
The signatures varies between sources, with the most commonly cited being Hinman's and West's: 1. Hinman: πA⁶ (πA1+1) [πB²], ²A-2B⁶ 2C² a-g⁶ χgg⁸ h-v⁶ x⁴ χ1.2 [para.]-2[para.]⁶ 3[para]¹ aa-ff⁶ gg² Gg⁶ hh⁶ kk-bbb⁶; 2. West: πA⁶ (πA1+1, πA5+1.2)²A-2B⁶ 2C² a-g⁶ ²g⁸ h-v⁶ x⁴ 'gg3.4' (±'gg3') [para.]-2[para.]⁶ 3[para]¹ 2a-2f⁶ 2g² 2G⁶ 2h⁶ 2k-2v⁶ x⁶ 2y-3b⁶.
Mis-signed leaves: a3 mis-signed Aa3; ³gg1 mis-signed Gg; nn1-nn2 mis-signed Nn and Nn2 and oo1 mis-signed Oo.
"The life and death of King Iohn" begins new pagination on leaf a1 recto; "The tragedy of Coriolanus" begins new pagination on leaf aa1 recto.
Predominantly printed in double columns.
Text within simple lined frame.
Colophon reads: "Printed at the charges of W. Iaggard, Ed. Blount, I. Smithweeke, and W. Aspley. 1623.".
Editors’ dedication signed: Iohn Heminge. Henry Condell.
Two MS verses on first endpaper verso: 1. 9 lines of verse by an unknown author, first line reads "An active swain to make a leap was seen". 2. A copy of Ben Jonson’s printed "To the Reader"; MS note on t.p. (mutilated) appears to read "Honest [Shakes]peare". Minor annotations on leaf 2n4 (Macbeth). All in an early English hand, presumably added after leaving the Library.
Seventeenth-century (1624) English (Oxford) smooth calf. Bound for the Bodleian Library by William Wildgoose, with evidence of two cloth ties, red sprinkled edge. Formerly chained, with evidence of chain staple at the head of the upper cover. Remains of paper label at the head of the spine. Enclosed in 20th century book box by Maltby of Oxford. See S. Gibson in Original Bodleian Copy of First Folio, p. 12-13. One of four items sent out on 17th February 1624 for binding by Wildgoose containing printed waste from a copy of Cicero’s "De Officiis, et al." [Deventer: Richard Pafraet, between 1480 and 1485] as paste-downs. For more information on this work see: Bod. Inc. Cat., C-322.
For further details on the printing of this item see Hinman, Charleton. The printing and proof-reading of the First Folio of Shakespeare: Oxford, 1963.
Acquired by the Bodleian in 1623, presumably in sheets. It
was sent out to
After leaving the Bodleian this copy entered
the collection of
For a full discussion of this copy and the digital version see http://shakespeare.bodleian.ox.ac.uk/ and West and Rasmussen (2011), 31.
Hugh,
perswade me not: I will make a Star‑Chamber
matter of
it, if hee were twenty Sir
Iohn
Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow
Esquire.
In the County of Glocester,
Iustice of Peace and
I, and Rato lorum too; and a Gentleman
borne
(Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any
Bill, Warrant,
Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero.
I that I doe, and haue done any time these three
hundred
yeeres.
All his successors (gone before him) hath don't:
and
all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they
may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate.
The dozen white Lowses doe become an old
Coat well: it
agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to
man,
and signifies Loue.
The Luse is the fresh‑fish, the
salt‑fish, is an old
Coate.
Yes per‑lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat,
there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple
con
iectures; but that is all one: if Sir
Iohn Falstaffe haue
committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the Church
and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make
attone
ments and compremises betweene you.
The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot.
It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there
is no feare
of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you)
shall desire to
heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a
Riot: take your
viza‑ments in that.
Ha; o' my life, if I were yong againe, the sword
should end it.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
it: and
there is also another deuice in my praine, which
peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is
Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page,
which is
pretty virginity.
Mistris Anne Page? she has browne
haire, and
speakes small like a woman.
It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as
you will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes,
and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand‑sire vpon his
deaths‑
bed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull
resurrections) giue, when
she is able to ouertake
seuenteene yeeres old. It were a
goot motion, if we leaue
our pribbles and prabbles, and
desire a marriage betweene
Master Abraham, and Mistris
Anne Page.
Did her Grand‑sire leaue her seauen hundred
pound?
I, and her father is make her a petter penny.
I know the young Gentlewoman, she hasgood
gifts.
Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is
goot gifts.
Wel, let vs see honest MPage: is
Falstaffe there?
Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a
lyer, as I
doe despise one that is false, or as I despise
one that is not
true: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you be
ruled by your
well‑willers: I will peat the doore for M
Page. What hoa? Got‑plesse your house
here.
Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and
Iu
stice
Shallow, and
heere yong Master Slender: that
perad
uentures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to
your likings.
I am glad to see your Worships well: I
thanke you for my
Venison Master Shallow.
Master Page, I am glad to see you:
much good
doe it your good heart: I wish'd your
Venison better, it
was ill killd: how doth good
Mistresse Page? and I thank
you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart.
How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard
say he
was out‑run on Cotsall.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault:
'tis a good dogge.
Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there
be
more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe
heere?
Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a
good
office betweene you.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that
so (M.
Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed
he hath, at a
word he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saith
he is wronged.
Now, Master Shallow, you'll
complaine of me to
the King?
Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my
deere, and
broke open my Lodge.
'Twere better for you if it were known in
councell:
you'll be laugh'd at.
Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I broke
your head: what matter haue you against me?
Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you,
and
against your cony‑catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym,
and Pistoll.
Where's Simple my man? can you
tell, Cosen?
Peace, I pray
you: now let vs vnderstand: there
is three Vmpires
in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is,
Master Page (fidelicet
Master Page,) & there is my
selfe,
(fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is
(lastly, and finally)
mine Host
of the Gater.
Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my
note‑booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the
cause,
with as great discreetly as we can.
The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this?
he heares with
eare? why, it is affectations.
I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I might
neuer come
in mine owne great chamber againe else, of
seauen groates
in mill‑sixpences, and two Edward
Shouelboords,
that cost me two shilling and
two pence a
peece of Yead Miller:
by these gloues.
Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn,
and
Master mine, I combat challenge of this Latine
Bilboe:
word of deniall in thy labras here; word of denial; froth,
and scum thou
liest.
Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I will
say
marry trap with you, if you runne the nut‑hooks
humor
on me, that is the very note of it.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for
though I
cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunke, yet I
am not altogether an asse.
Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had
drunke
himselfe out of his fiue sentences.
And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: and
so
conclusions past the Car‑eires.
I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no
matter;
Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue
againe, but in honest,
ciuill, godly company for
this tricke: if I be drunke, Ile
be drunke with those that
haue the feare of God, and not
with drunken knaues.
So got‑udge me, that is a vertuo
You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen;
you
heare it.
Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll
drinke
within.
Mistris Ford,
by my troth you are very wel met:
by your leaue good
Mistris.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come,
we haue a hot
Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentle
men, I
hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse.
I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke
of Songs
and Sonnets heere: How now Simple, where
haue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must
I? you
haue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue
you?
Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to
Alice Short‑cake vpon Alhallowmas
last, a fortnight afore
Michaelmas.
Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word
with you
Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a ten
der,
a kinde of tender, made a farre‑off by Sir
Hugh here:
doe you vnderstand
me?
Giue eare to his motions; (MSlender) I
will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of
it.
Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies:
I
pray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace
in his Countrie,
simple though I stand
here.
But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.
Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any reasonable
demands.
But can you affection the 'o‑man, let
vs command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips:
for diuers
Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of
the mouth:
therfore precisely,
I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would doe
reason.
Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake
possitable, if you can carry‑her your desires
towards her.
I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your
request (Cosen) in any reason.
Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz):
What I doe is
to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue the
maid?
I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if
there
bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauen
may
decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when wee
are
married, and haue more occasion to know one ano
ther:
I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content:
but
if you say mary‑her, I will mary‑her, that I am
freely
dissolued, and dissolutely.
It is a fery discretion‑answere; saue the fall is in
the 'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our
mea
ning) resolutely: his meaning is good.
Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would
yong for your sake, Mistris Anne.
The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires
your worships
company.
I am not a‑hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe,
Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen
Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime
may be beholding
to his friend, for a Man; I keepe but
three Men, and a
Boy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet
I liue like a poore Gentleman borne.
I may not goe in without your worship: they
will not sit
till you come.
I'faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as
though I did.
I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'd
my
shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and
Dag
ger with a Master of Fence (three veneys
for a dish of
stew'd Prunes) and by my troth,
I cannot abide the smell
of hot meate since. Why doe your
dogs barke so? be
there Beares ith' Towne?
I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell
at it,
as any man in England: you are afraid if
you see the
Beare loose, are you not?
That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene
Saskerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken
him by the
Chaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so
cride
and shrekt at it, that it past: But women
indeede, cannot
abide 'em, they are very
ill‑fauour'd rough things.
Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: you
doe your
selfe wrong indeede‑la.
Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house,
which is the way; and there dwels one
Mistris Quickly;
which is in
the manner of his Nurse; or his dry‑Nurse; or
his
Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer.
Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it is
a
'oman that altogeathers Anne Page; and the
Letter is to desire, and require her to soli
Mine Host of the Garter?
What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly,
and
wisely.
Truely mine Host; I must turne
away some of my
followers.
Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let
them wag;
trot, trot.
I sit at ten pounds a weeke.
Thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser
and Pheazar)
I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw;
he shall tap; said
I well (bully Hector?)
I haue spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth,
and
liue: I am at a word: follow.
Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade:
an old Cloake, makes
a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruing
man, a
fresh Tapster: goe, adew.
It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue.
I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: his
Thefts were too open: his filching was like an
vnskilfull
Singer, he kept not time.
The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest.
Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh: a fico for
the
phrase.
No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am
in the waste
two yards about: but I am now about no
waste: I am a
bout thrift) briefely: I doe
meane to make loue to Fords
wife: I
spie entertainment in her: shee discourses: shee
carues:
she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construe
the action of her familier stile, & the
hardest voice of her
behauior (to be
english'd rightly) is, I am Sir Iohn
Falstafs.
He hath studied her will; and translated her will:
out of honesty, into English.
The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe?
Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her
husbands
Purse: he hath a legend of Angels.
As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I.
The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels.
I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here ano
ther
to Pages wife, who euen now gaue
mee good eyes
too; examind my parts with most
iudicious illiads: some
times the beame of her
view, guilded my foote: some
times my portly
belly.
O she did so course o're my exteriors with such
a
greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seeme
to scorch me vp like a burning‑glasse:
here's another
letter to her: She beares the Purse
too: She is a Region
in Guiana: all
gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters to
them both, and
they shall be Exchequers to mee: they
shall be my East and
West Indies, and I will trade to
them both: Goe,
beare thou this Letter to Mistris Page;
and thou this to Mistris Ford: we will thriue (Lads) we
will
thriue.
My humour shall not coole: I will incense Ford
to deale with poyson: I will possesse him with
yallow
nesse, for the reuolt of mine is dangerous:
that is my
true humour.
Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I
second
thee: troope on.
What, Iohn Rugby, I pray thee goe to the
Case
ment, and see if you can see my Master,
Master Docter
Caius
comming: if he doe (I'faith) and finde any body
in the house; here will be an old abusing of Gods
pati
ence, and the Kings English.
Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't soone at night,
(in faith) at the latter end of a
Sea‑cole‑fire: An honest,
willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall come in house
withall: and I warrant you, no tel‑tale, nor no
breede‑
bate: his worst fault is, that he is
giuen to prayer; hee is
something peeuish that way: but no
body but has his
fault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you say your
name is?
No forsooth: he hath but a little weeߛface;
with a
little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard.
I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as
any is
betweene this and his head: he hath fought with
a
Warrener.
How say you: oh, I should remember him: do's
he not
hold vp his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate?
We shall all be shent: Run in here, good young
man: goe
into this Closset: he will not stay long: what
Iohn Rugby? Iohn: what
Iohn I say? goe Iohn, goe en
quire for my Master, I
doubt he be not well, that hee
comes not home: (and downe, downe, adowne'a.
&c.
Vat is you sing? I doe not like des‑toyes: pray
you
goe and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteene verd;
a Box, a
greene‑a‑Box: do intend vat I speake? a
greene‑
a‑Box.
By my trot: I tarry too long: od's‑me: que ay ie oublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill not
What shall de honest man do in my Closset: dere
is no
honest man dat shall come in my Closset.
I beseech you be not so flegmaticke: heare the
truth
of it. He came of an errand to mee, from Parson
Hugh.
To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid)
to
speake a good word to Mistris Anne
Page, for my Ma
ster in the way of
Marriage.
This is all indeed‑la: but ile nere put my finger
in the fire, and neede not.
Sir Hugh send‑a you? Rugby, ballow
mee some
paper: tarry you a
littell‑a‑while.
I am glad he is so quiet: if he had bin through
ly
moued, you should haue heard him so loud, and so
me
lancholly: but notwithstanding man, Ile
doe yoe your
Master what good I can: and the very
yea, & the no is, yͤ
French Doctor my
Master, (I may call him my Master,
looke you,
for I keepe his house; and I wash, ring, brew,
bake,
scowre, dresse meat and drinke, make the beds, and
doe all
my selfe.)
'Tis a great charge to come vnder one bodies
hand.
Are you a‑uis'd o'that? you shall finde it a
great
charge: and to be vp early, and down late: but
notwith
standing, (to tell you in your eare,
I wold haue no words
of it) my Master himselfe is in
loue with Mistris Anne Page:
but notwithstanding that I know
You, Iack'Nape: giue‑'a this Letter to
Sir
Hugh, by gar it is a shallenge: I will cut
his troat in de
Parke, and I will teach a scuruy Iack‑a‑nape Priest to
meddle, or make: — you may be gon: it is not good
you
tarry here: by gar I will cut all his two stones: by
gar, he shall not haue a stone to throw at his
dogge.
It is no matter 'a ver dat: do not you tell‑a‑me
dat I shall haue Anne Page for my
selfe? by gar, I vill
kill de Iack‑Priest:
and I haue appointed mine Host of
de Iarteer to
measure our weapon: by gar, I wil my selfe
haue Anne Page.
You shall haue An‑fooles head of
your owne:
No, I know Ans mind for
that: neuer a woman in Windsor knowes more of
In truth Sir, and shee is pretty, and honest, and
gentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that
by
the way, I praise heauen for it.
Troth Sir, all is in his hands aboue: but
not
withstanding (Master Fenton) Ile be
sworne on a booke
shee loues you: haue not your Worship a
wart aboue
your eye?
Wel, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
another
Nan; (but (I detest) an honest maid as euer
broke
bread: wee had an howres talke of that wart; I
shall neuer
laugh but in that maids company: but (in
deed) shee
is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing:
but for you—
well— goe too⸺
Well: I shall see her to day: hold, there's mo
ney
for thee: Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe: if
thou seest her before me, commend me.⸺
Will I? I faith that wee will: And I will tell
your Worship
more of the Wart, the next time we haue
confidence,
and of other wooers.
Fare‑well to your Worship: truely an honest
Gentleman: but Anne loues hiim not: for I
know Ans
minde as well as another
do's: out vpon't: what haue I
forgot.
What, haue scap'd Loue‑letters in the
holly‑day‑time of my beauty, and am I now a
subiect
for them? let me see?
Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though
Loue vse Rea
son for his precisian, hee admits him
not for his Counsailour:
you are not yong, no more am I:
goe to then, there's simpathie:
you are merry, so
am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie:
you loue
sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie?
Let
it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if
the Loue of
Souldier can suffice, that I loue thee:
I will not say pitty mee,
'tis not a
Souldier‑like phrase; but I say, loue me:
Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shew
you to the
contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee
some
counsaile.
Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:
what is it?
dispence with trifles: what is it?
If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall
moment, or so:
I could be knighted.
What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford?
these
Knights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the
ar
ticle of thy Gentry.
Wee burne day‑light: heere, read, read:
perceiue how
I might bee knighted, I shall thinke the
worse of fat men,
as long as I haue an eye to make diffe
rence of
mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare:
praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and
wel‑
behaued reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I
would haue
sworne his disposition would haue gone to the
truth of
his words: but they doe no more adhere and keep
place
together, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of
Greensleeues: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with
so many
Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?
How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best way
were, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked
fire
of lust haue melted him in his owne
greace: Did you e
uer heare the like?
Letter for letter; but that the name of
Page and Ford differs: to thy
great comfort in this my
stery of ill
opinions, heere's the twyn‑brother of thy
Let
ter: but let thine inherit first,
for I protest mine neuer
shall: I warrant he hath a
thousand of these Letters, writ
with blancke‑space
for different names (sure more): and
these are of
the second edition: hee will print them out
of doubt: for
he cares not what hee puts into the presse,
when he would
put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,
and lye vnder
Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you
twen
tie lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste
man.
Why this is the very same: the very hand:
the very words:
what doth he thinke of vs?
Nay I know not: it makes me almost rea
die to
wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertaine
my
selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: for
sure
vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I know
not my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in this
furie.
Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepe
him aboue
decke.
So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,
Ile neuer to Sea
againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let's
appoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort in
his Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till
hee
hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the
Garter.
Nay, I wil consent to act any villany against
him,
that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: oh
that my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternall
food to his iealousie.
Why look where he comes; and my good
man too: hee's
as farre from iealousie, as I am from gi
uing him
cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable
di
stance.
Let's consult together against this greasie
Knight: Come hither.
And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:
hee hath
wronged mee in some humors: I should haue
borne the
humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:
and it
shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;
There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall
Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my
name is Nim:
and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not
the hu
mour of bread and cheese: adieu.
Haue with you: you'll come to dinner
George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall
bee our
Messenger to this paltrie Knight.
Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight
would
offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent
towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men:
ve‑
ry rogues, now they be out of seruice.
I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voy
age
toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;
and
what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let it
lye
on my head.
I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would bee
loath to turne
them together: a man may be too confi
dent: I would
haue nothing lye on my head: I cannot
be thus
satisfied.
Looke where my ranting‑Host of the Garter
comes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in his
purse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mine
Host?
I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good‑euen,
and
twenty (good Master Page.)
Master Page, wil you go
with
vs? we haue sport in hand.
Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry
Host hath
had the measuring of their weapons; and (I
thinke) hath
appointed them contrary places: for (be
leeue mee)
I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will
tell
you what our sport shall be.
None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of
burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell
him
my name is Broome: onely for a
iest.
My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and
regresse,
(said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It
is a merry Knight: will you goe
An‑heires?
Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these
times you
stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's,
and
I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master
Page) 'tis heere,
'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my
long‑sword, I
would haue made you fowre tall
fellowes skippe like
Rattes.
Though Page be a secure foole, and stands so
firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot
put‑off my o
pinion so easily: she was in
his company at Pages house:
and
what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke
further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; if
I finde
her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be
other
wise, 'tis labour well
bestowed.
Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) you
should lay my
countenance to pawne: I haue grated vp
on my good
friends for three Repreeues for you, and
your
Coach‑fellow Nim; or else you had
look'd through
the grate, like a Geminy of
Baboones: I am damn'd in
hell, for swearing to
Gentlemen my friends, you were
good Souldiers, and
tall‑fellowes. And when Mistresse
Briget lost the handle of her Fan, I
took't vpon mine ho
nour thou hadst it
not.
Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile
en
danger my soule, gratis?
at a word, hang no more about
mee, I am no gibbet for you:
goe, a short knife, and a
throng, to your Mannor of Pickt‑hatch: goe, you'll not
beare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon
your
honor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is
as much
as I can doe to keepe the termes of my honor
precise:
I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of
heauen on
the left hand, and hiding mine
honor in my necessity, am
faine to shufflle: to
hedge, and to lurch, and yet, you
Rogue, will
en‑sconce your raggs; your
Cat‑a‑Moun
taine‑lookes, your
red‑lattice phrases, and your bold‑
beating‑oathes, vnder the shelter of your honor?
you
will not doe it? you?
There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I
pray come a
little neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell
with M. Doctor
Caius:
Your worship saies very true: I pray your wor
ship
come a little neerer this waies.
I warrant thee, no‑bodie heares: mine owne
people,
mine owne people
Are they so? heauen‑blesse them, and make
them his
Seruants.
Why, Sir; shee's a good‑creature; Lord, Lord,
your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you,
and all of vs, I pray—
Marry this is the short, and the long of it: you
haue
brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis
wonder
full: the best Courtier of them all
(when the Court lay
at Windsor)
could neuer haue brought her to such a Ca
narie:
yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and
Gen
tlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach
after
Coach, letter after letter, gift after gift,
smelling so sweet
ly; all Muske, and so rushling, I
warrant you, in silke
and golde, and in such alligant
termes, and in such wine
and suger of the best, and
the fairest, that would haue
wonne any womans heart:
and I warrant you, they could
neuer get an
eyeߛwinke of her: I had my selfe twentie
Angels
giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (in
any such
sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: and
I
warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippe
on
a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there has
beene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but I
warrant you all is one with her.
Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for the
which
she thankes you a thousand times; and she giues
you to
notifie, that her husband will be absence from his
house, betweene ten and eleuen.
I, forsooth: and then you may come and see the
picture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master
Ford her hus
band will be from home: alas, the
sweet woman leades
an ill life with him: hee's a
very iealousie‑man; she leads
a very frampold life
with him, (good hart.)
Why, you say well: But I haue another messen
ger to
your worship: Mistresse Page hath
her heartie
commendations to you to: and let mee tell you
in your
eare, shee's as fartuous a ciuill
modest wife, and one (I
tell you) that will not
misse you morning nor euening
prayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere bee the other: and
shee bade me tell your worship, that her husband is
sel
dome from home, but she hopes there will come a
time.
I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man; surely I
thinke you haue charmes, la: yes in truth.
Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my
good parts aside, I haue no other charmes.
But I pray thee tell me this: has Fords
wife, and
Pages wife acquainted
each other, how they loue me?
That were a iest indeed: they haue not so little
grace I hope, that were a tricke indeed: But Mistris
Page
would desire you to send her
your little Page of al loues:
her husband has a maruellous
and truely
Master Page is an honest man:
neuer a wife in
Windsor leades a
better life then she do's: doe what shee
will, say
what she will, take all, pay all, goe to bed when
she
list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and
truly she
deserues it; for if there be a kinde woman in
Windsor, she
is one: you must
send her your Page, no remedie.
Nay, but doe so then, and looke you, hee may
come and goe
betweene you both: and in any case haue
a nay‑word,
that you may know one anothers minde,
and the Boy neuer
neede to vnderstand any thing; for'
tis not good
that children should know any wickednes:
olde folkes you
know, haue discretion, as they say, and
know the
world.
Farethee‑well, commend mee to them both:
there's my purse, I am yet thy debter: Boy, goe
along
with this woman, this newes distracts
me.
Saist thou so (old Iacke) go thy
waies: Ile make
more of thy olde body then I haue done: will
they yet
looke after thee? wilt thou after the expence of
so much
money, be now a gainer? good Body, I thanke thee:
let
them say 'tis grossely done, so it bee fairely done,
no
matter.
Sir Iohn, there's one Master
Broome below would
faine speake
with you, and be acquainted with you; and
hath sent your
worship a mornings draught of Sacke.
Call him in: such Broomes are welcome to
mee,
that ore'flowes such liquor: ah ha,
Mistresse Ford and
Mi
stresse
Page, haue
I encompass'd you? goe to, via.
I make bold, to presse, with so little prepara
tion
vpon you.
Good Sir Iohn, I sue for yours: not to
charge
you, for I must let you vnderstand, I
thinke my selfe in
better plight for a
Lender, then you are: the which hath
something emboldned
me to this vnseason'd intrusion:
for they say, if
money goe before, all waies doe lye
open.
Troth, and I haue a bag of money heere trou
bles me:
if you will helpe to beare it (Sir Iohn)
take all,
or halfe, for easing me of the carriage.
Speake (good Master Broome) I shall
be glad to
be your Seruant.
Sir, I heare you are a Scholler: (I will be briefe
with
you) and you haue been a man long knowne to me,
though I
had neuer so good means as desire, to make my
selfe
acquainted with you. I shall discouer a thing to
you,
wherein I must very much lay open mine owne
im
perfection: but (good Sir Iohn) as you haue one eye vp
on my follies,
as you heare them vnfolded, turne another
into the
Register of your owne, that I may passe with a
reproofe the easier, sith you your selfe know how easie it
is to be such an offender.
I haue long lou'd her, and I protest to you,
be
stowed much on her: followed her with a
doating ob
seruance: Ingross'd opportunities
to meete her: fee'd e
uery slight occasion
that could but nigardly giue mee
sight of her: not only
bought many presents to giue her,
but haue giuen largely
to many, to know what shee
would haue giuen:
briefly, I haue pursu'd her, as Loue
hath
pursued mee, which hath beene on the wing of all
occasions: but whatsoeuer I haue merited, either in my
minde, or in my meanes, meede I am sure I haue receiued
none, vnlesse Experience be a Iewell, that I haue
purcha
sed at an infinite rate, and that hath
taught mee to say
this,
Like a fair house, built on another mans ground,
so that I
haue lost my edifice, by mistaking the place,
where I erected it.
When I haue told you that, I haue told you all:
Some say,
that though she appeare honest to mee, yet in
other places
shee enlargeth her mirth so farre, that there
is shrewd
construction made of her. Now (Sir Iohn) here
is the heart of my purpose:
you are a gentleman of ex
cellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admit
tance,
authenticke in your place and person, generally
allow'd for your many war⸗like,
court‑like, and learned
preparations.
Beleeue it, for you know it: there is money,
spend it,
spend it, spend more; spend all I haue, onely
giue me so much of your time
in enchange of it, as to lay
an amiable siege to the
honesty of this Fords wife: vse
your Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any
man may, you may as soone as any.
Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
affection that I should win what you would
enioy? Me
thinkes you prescribe to your selfe very
preposterously.
O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securely
on the
excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soule
dares
not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look'd
against. Now, could I come to her with any
detection
in my hand; my desires had instance and
argument to
commend themselues, I could driue her then
from the
ward of her purity, her reputation, her
marriage‑vow,
and a thousand other her defences,
which now are too‑
too strongly embattaild
against me: what say you too't,
Sir Iohn?
Master Broome, I will
first make bold with your
money: next, giue
mee your hand: and last, as I am a
gentleman, you shall,
if you will, enioy Fords wife.
Want no Mistresse Ford (Master
Broome) you shall
want none: I
shall be with her (I may tell you) by her
owne
appointment, euen as you came in to me, her
assi
stant, or goe‑betweene, parted
from me: I say I shall be
with her betweene ten and
eleuen: for at that time the
iealious‑rascally‑knaue her husband will be
forth: come
you to me at night, you shall know how I
speed.
Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I know
him not: yet I
wrong him to call him poore: They say
the iealous
wittolly‑knaue hath masses of money, for
the which
his wife seemes to me well‑fauourd: I will vse
her
as the key of the Cuckoldly‑rogues Coffer, &
ther's
my haruest‑home.
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might
a
uoid him, if you saw him.
Hang him, mechanicall‑salt‑butter rogue; I wil
stare him out of his wits: I will awe‑him
with my cud
gell: it shall hang like a Meteor ore
the Cuckolds horns:
Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate o
uer
the pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Come
to me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggra
uate his stile:
thou (Master Broome) shalt know him
for
knaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night.
What a damn'd EpicurianߛRascall is this? my
heart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies this
is
improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, the
howre is fixt, the match is made: would any man haue
thought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: my
bed shall be abus'd, my Coffers
ransack'd, my reputati
on gnawne at, and I
shall not onely receiue this villainous
wrong, but
stand vnder the adoption of abhominable
termes, and
by him that does mee this wrong: Termes,
names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason,
well: yet they are Diuels
additions, the names of fiends:
But Cuckold,
Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfe
hath not such a name.
Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; hee
will trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will
rather
trust a Fleming with my
butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman
with my Cheese, an
By gar, he has saue his soule, dat he is no‑come:
hee has pray his Pible well, dat he is no‑come: by
gar
(Iack Rugby) he is dead
already, if he be come.
Hee is wise Sir: hee knew your worship would
kill him if he
came.
By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill
him: take
your Rapier, (Iacke) I vill tell you how
I vill
kill him.
To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see thee
trauerse, to see thee heere, to see thee there, to see
thee
passe thy puncto, thy stock, thy
reuerse, thy distance, thy
montant: Is he dead, my
Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Fran
cisco? ha Bully?
what saies my Esculapius? my Galien? my
heart of Elder? ha? is he
dead bully‑Stale? is he dead?
By gar, he is de Coward‑Iack‑Priest of de
vorld:
he is not show his face.
I pray you beare witnesse, that me haue stay,
sixe or
seuen, two tree howres for him, and hee is no‑
come.
He is the wiser man
soules, and you a curer of bodies: if you should
fight, you
goe against the haire of your
professions: is it not true,
Master Page?
Body‑kins M. Page, though I now be
old, and
of the peace; if I see a sword out, my
finger itches to
make one: though wee are
Iustices, and Doctors, and
Church‑men
(M. Page) wee haue some salt of our youth
in vs, we are the sons of women (M. Page.)
'Tis true, MShallow.
It wil be found so, (M. Page:) M.
Doctor Caius,
I am come to fetch you home: I am sworn of the peace:
you
haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician, and Sir
Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and
patient Church
man: you must goe with me, M.
Doctor.
And moreouer, (Bully) but first, M
and M. Page, & eeke Caualeiro
Slender, goe you through
the Towne
to Frogmore.
Let him die: sheath thy impatience: throw cold
water on thy
Choller: goe about the fields with mee
through Frogmore, I will bring thee where
Mistris Anne
Page is, at a Farm‑house a
Feasting: and thou shalt wooe
By‑gar, mee dancke you vor dat: by gar I loue
you:
and I shall procure 'a you de good Guest: de Earle,
de Knight, de Lords, de Gentlemen, my patients.
I pray you now, good Master Slenders
seruing
man, and friend Simple by your name; which way haue
you
look'd for Master Caius,
that calls himselfe Doctor
of Phisicke.
I most‑fehemently desire you, you will also
looke that way.
'Plesse my soule: how full of Chollors I am, and
trempling of minde: I shall be glad if he haue deceiued
me: how melancholies I am? I will knog his Vrinalls
a
bout his knaues costard, when I haue good
opportunities
for the orke: 'Plesse my soule: To shallow Riuers to whose falls: melodious Birds sings Madrigalls: There will we
make
our Peds of Roses: and a
thousand fragrant posies. To shallow: 'Mercie on mee, I haue a great
dispositions to cry.
Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman; who
(be‑like) hauing receiued wrong by some person, is
at
most odds with his owne grauity and patience,
that euer
you saw.
I haue liued foure‑score yeeres, and vpward: I
neuer
heard a man of his place, grauity, and learning, so
wide
of his owne respect.
I thinke you know him: MCaius the
renowned French Physician.
Got's‑will, and his passion of my heart: I had
as lief you would tell me of a messe of porredge.
I pray you let‑a‑mee speake a word with your
eare; vherefore vill you not meet‑a me?
Pray you let vs not be laughing‑stocks to other
mens humors: I desire you in friendship, and I will one
way or other make you amends: I will knog your Vrinal
about your knaues Cogs‑combe.
Diable: Iack Rugby: mine Host de Iarteer: haue I
not stay for him, to kill him? haue I not at de
place I did
appoint?
Shall I loose my Doctor? No, hee giues me the Potions
and the Motions. Shall I loose my Parson? my Priest?
my Sir Hugh? No, he giues me the
Prouerbes, and the
No‑verbes. Giue me thy hand (Celestiall) so: Boyes
of
Art, I haue deceiu'd you both: I haue directed you
to
wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skinnes are
whole, and let burn'd Sacke be the issue: Come, lay
their
swords to pawne: Follow me, Lad of peace, follow,
fol
low, follow.
This is well, he has made vs his vlowting‑stog:
I desire you that we may be friends: and let vs knog our
praines together to be reuenge on this same scall‑scur
uy‑cogging‑companion the
Host of the Garter.
By gar, with all my heart: he promise to bring
me where is
Anne Page: by gar he deceiue me too.
Well, I will smite his noddles: pray you follow.
Nay keepe your way (little Gallant) you
were wont to be a
follower, but now you are a Leader:
whether had your rather
lead mine eyes, or eye your ma
sters heeles?
I had rather (forsooth) go before you like a man,
then
follow him like a dwarfe.
Has Page any braines? Hath he any eies?
Hath he
any thinking? Sure they sleepe, he hath no vse of
them:
why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as
easie, as
a Canon will shoot point‑blanke twelue
score: hee pee
ces out his wiues inclination: he
giues her folly motion
and aduantage: and now she's
going to my wife, Falstaffes
boy with her: A man
may heare this showre sing
Well
met MFord.
Trust me a good knotte; I haue good cheere at
home,
and I pray you all go with me.
We haue linger'd about a match betweene An
Page, and my cozen
What say you to yong MFenton? He capers,
he dances, he has eies of youth: he writes verses, hee
speakes holliday, he smels April and May, he wil
carry't,
he will carry't, 'tis in his
buttons, he will carry't.
Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentle
man is
of no hauing, hee kept companie with the wilde
Prince, and
Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he
knows
too much: no, hee shall not knit a knot in his
fortunes,
with the finger of my substance: if
he take her, let him
take her simply: the wealth I haue
waits on my consent,
and my consent goes not that way.
I beseech you heartily, some of you goe home
with me to
dinner: besides your cheere you shall haue
sport, I will
shew you a monster: M
go,
so shall you Mr Page, and you Sir Hugh.
I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe‑wine first
with
him, Ile make him dance. Will you go Gentles?
Haue with you, to see this Monster.
Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn &
Robert)
be ready here hard‑by in the
Brew‑house, & when I so
dainly call you,
come forth, and (without any pause, or
staggering)
take this basket on your shoulders: y
trudge
with it in all hast, and carry it among the
Whit
sters in Dotchet
Mead, and there empty it in the muddie
ditch, close by the
Thames side.
Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine
shall be a
Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new dou
blet
and hose. Ile go hide me.
Go‑too then: we'l vse this vnwholsome
humidity, this grosse‑watry Pumpion; we'll
teach him
to know Turtles from Iayes.
Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Why
now let me die,
for I haue liu'd long enough: This is the
period of
my ambition: O this blessed houre.
Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make
an
absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy
foote,
would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a
semi‑
circled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if
Fortune thy
foe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou
canst not
hide it.
What made me loue thee? Let that perswade
thee.
Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, I
cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like
a‑manie
of these lisping‑hauthorne buds,
that come like women
in mens apparrell, and smell like
Bucklers‑berry in sim
ple time: I cannot,
but I loue thee, none but thee; and
thou
deseru'st it.
Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page at
the doore, sweating, and
blowing, and looking wildely,
and would needs speake with
you presently.
Your husband's comming hether (Woman)
with all the
Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentle
man,
that he sayes is heere now in the house; by your
consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you are
vndone.
Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue such
a man heere:
but 'tis most certaine your husband's
com
ming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to
serch for such
a one, I come before to tell you: If you
know your selfe
cleere, why I am glad of it: but if you
haue a friend here,
conuey, conuey him out. Be not
amaz'd, call all your
senses to you, defend your
reputation, or bid farwell to
your good life for euer.
What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my
deere friend: and
I feare not mine owne shame so much,
as his perill. I had
rather then a thousand pound he were
out of the house.
For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, and
you had
rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinke
you
of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hide
him. Oh,
how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is a
basket,
if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepe
in
heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it were
going to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him by
your two men to Datchet‑Meade.
What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp these
cloathes
heere, quickly: Wher's the
Cowle‑staffe? Look
how you drumble?
Carry them to the Landresse in Dat
chet mead:
quickly, come.
Why, what haue you to doe whether they
beare it? You were
best meddle with buck‑washing.
Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you my
dreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend my
Chambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant
wee'le
vnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this
way first: so, now
vncape.
I am halfe affraid he will haue neede of
washing: so
throwing him into the water, will doe him
a
benefit.
Hang him dishonest rascall: I would all
of the same
straine, were in the same distresse.
I thinke my husband hath some speciall
suspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I
neuer saw him so
grosse in his iealousie till now.
I will lay a plot to try that, and wee will
yet haue more
trickes with Falstaffe: his
dissolute disease
will scarse obey this medicine.
Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist.
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water,
and giue him another hope, to betray him to
another
punishment?
We will do it: let him be sent for to mor
row eight
a clocke to haue amends.
I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'd
of that he could not compasse.
If there be any pody in the house, & in the cham
bers,
and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen
for
giue my sins at the day of iudgement.
Fy, fy, M. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spi
rit,
what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha
your distemper in this kind, for yͤ welth of
Windsor castle.
You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is
as
honest a o'mans, as I will desires among fiue
thou
sand, and fiue hundred too.
Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walk
in the
Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter make
knowne
to you why I haue done this. Come wife, come
Mi. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly
pardon me.
Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l
mock
him: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house
to breakfast: after we'll a Birding together,
I haue a fine
Hawke for the bush. Shall it be
so:
Alas, how then?
Marrie I thanke you for it: I thanke you for
that good
comfort: she cals you (Coz) Ile leaue you.
Truely, for mine owne part, I would little or
nothing with
you: your father and my vncle hath made
motions: if it be
my lucke, so; if not, happy man bee his
dole, they can
tell you how things go, better then I can:
you may aske
your father, heere he comes.
Now heauen send thee good fortune, a kinde
heart he hath: a
woman would run through fire & wa
ter for
such a kinde heart. But yet, I would my Maister
had
Mistris Anne, or I would M. Slender had her: or (in
sooth) I would
M. Fenton had her; I will do what I can
for them all three, for so I haue promisd, and Ile bee as
good as my word, but speciously for M. Fenton. Well, I
must of another errand to Sir
Iohn Falstaffe from my two
Mistresses:
what a beast am I to slacke it.
Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't.
Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a
barrow of
butchers Offall? and to be throwne in the
Thames? Wel,
if I be seru'd such another tricke,
Ile haue my braines
'tane out and butter'd,
and giue them to a dogge for a
New‑yeares gift. The
rogues slighted me into the riuer
with as little remorse,
as they would haue drown'de a
blinde
bitches Puppies, fifteene i'th litter: and you may
know by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in
sink
ing: if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I
shold down.
I had beene drown'd, but that the shore
was sheluy and
shallow: a death that I abhorre: for the
water swelles a
man; and what a thing should I haue beene,
when I
had beene swel'd? I should haue beene a
Mountaine of
Mummie.
Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thames
water: for my
bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snow
bals,
for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in.
Simple of it selfe: Ile no PulletߛSpersme in my
brewage. How now?
Alas the day, (good‑heart) that was not her
fault:
she do's so take on with her men; they mistooke
their erection.
Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yern
your heart
to see it: her husband goes this morning a
birding; she
desires you once more to come to her, be
tweene eight and nine: I must carry her word quickely,
she'll make you amends I warrant you.
Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde her
thinke
what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, and
then
iudge of my merit.
No (M. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her
hus
band (M. Broome)
dwelling in a continual larum of ielou
sie, coms me
in the instant of our encounter, after we had
embrast, kist, protested, & (as it
were) spoke the prologue
of our Comedy: and at his heeles,
a rabble of his compa
nions, thither prouoked and
instigated by his distemper,
and (forsooth) to
serch his house for his wiues Loue.
You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it,
comes in one
Mist. Page, giues intelligence of
Fords ap
proch: and in her
inuention, and Fords wiues
distraction,
they conuey'd me into a
bucke‑basket.
Yes: a Buck‑basket: ram'd mee in with foule
Shirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasie
Napkins, that (Master Broome) there
was the rankest
compound of villanous smell, that
euer offended no
strill.
Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome)
what I
hau
good: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a
couple of
Fords knaues, his Hindes,
were cald forth by their Mi
stris, to carry
mee in the name of foule Cloathes to
Datchet‑lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: met
the iealous knaue their Master in the doore; who
ask'd them once or twice what they had in their
Bas
ket? I quak'd for feare least the
Lunatique Knaue
would haue search'd it: but Fate
(ordaining he should
be a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on
went hee, for
a search, and away went I for foule
Cloathes: But
marke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangs
of
three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright,
to be detected with a iealious rotten
Bell‑weather:
Next to be compass'd like a
good Bilbo in the circum
ference of a Pecke, hilt
to point, heele to head. And
then to be stopt in
like a strong distillation with
stink
ing Cloathes, that fretted in their
owne grease:
thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of
that,
that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man
of conti
nuall dissolution, and thaw: it was a
miracle to scape
suffocation. And in the height of
this Bath (when I
was more then halfe stew'd in
grease (like a Dutch‑
dish) to be throwne into the
Thames, and
coold, glowing‑hot, in that serge like
a Horse
shoo; thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke
of that (Master
Broome.)
Master Broome: I will be throwne
into Etna,
as I haue beene into
Thames, ere I will leaue her thus;
her Husband is this
morning gone a Birding: I
haue receiued from her another
ambassie of mee
ting: 'twixt eight and nine
is the houre (Master
Broome.)
Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appoint
ment: Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, and
you shall know
how I speede: and the conclusion
shall be crowned with
your enioying her: adiew: you
shall haue her (Master
Broome) Master Broome, you shall
cuckold Ford.
Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame?
doe I sleepe?
Master Ford awake, awake
Master Ford:
ther's a
hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this
'tis to be married;
this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buck‑
baskets:
Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am:
I will
now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: hee
cannot scape
me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee can
not
creepe into a halfe‑penny purse, nor into a
Pepper‑
Boxe: But least the Diuell that guides him,
should
aide him, I will search impossible places: though
what I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I would
not, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to make
one mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be
horneߛ
mad.
Sure he is by this; or will be presently; but
truely he is
very couragious mad, about his throwing
into the water.
Mistris Ford desires you to come
so
dainely.
Ile be with her by and by: Ile but bring
my yong‑man
here to Schoole: looke where his Master
comes;
'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, no
Schoole to day?
'Blessing of his heart.
Sir Hugh, my husband saies my sonne
pro
fits nothing in the world at his Booke: I pray
you aske
him some questions in his Accidence.
Come‑on Sirha; hold vp your head; an
swere
your Master, be not afraid.
Truely, I thought there had bin one Number
more, because
they say od's‑Nownes.
You are a very simplicity o'man: I pray you
peace.
What is (Lapis) William?
Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune; and be
thus
declined. Singulariter nominatiuo hic, hæc,
hoc.
Leaue your prables (o'man) What is the Focatiue case (
You doe ill to teach the childe such words: hee
teaches him
to hic, and to hac; which they'll doe fast
enough of themselues, and to call horum; fie vpon you.
O'man, art thou Lunaties? Hast thou no
vn
derstandings for thy Cases, & the
numbers of the Gen
ders? Thou art as foolish
Christian creatures, as I would
desires.
It is Qui, que,
quod; if you forget your Quies,
your Ques, and your Quods, you must be preeches: Goe
your waies and play, go.
Mi. Ford, Your
sorrow hath eaten vp my suffe
rance; I see
you are obsequious in your loue, and I pro
fesse requitall to a haires bredth, not onely Mist. Ford,
in the simple office of
loue, but in all the accustrement,
complement, and
ceremony of it: But are you sure of
your husband now?
Why woman, your husband is in his olde
lines againe: he so
takes on yonder with my husband, so
railes against
all married mankinde; so curses all Eues
daughters, of what complexion soeuer; and so
buffettes
himselfe on the for‑head: crying
peere‑out, peere‑out,
that any madnesse I
euer yet beheld, seem'd but tame
nesse,
ciuility, and patience to this his distemper he is
in
now: I am glad the fat Knight is not heere.
Of none but him, and sweares he was ca
rried out the
last time hee search'd for him, in a Basket:
Protests to my husband he is now heere, & hath
drawne
him and the rest of their company from their
sport, to
make another experiment of his suspition: But I
am glad
the Knight is not heere; now he shall see his owne
foo⸗
lerie.
Why then you are vtterly sham'd, & hee's
but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with
him, away with him: Better shame, then murther.
Alas: three of MFords brothers watch
the doore with
Pistols, that none shall issue out: other
wise you
might slip away ere hee came: But what make
you heere?
He will seeke there on my word: Neyther
Presse,
Coffer, Chest, Trunke, Well, Vault, but he hath
an abstract for the remembrance of such
places, and goes
to them by his Note: There is no hiding
you in the
house.
If you goe out in your owne semblance,
you die Sir Iohn, vnlesse you go out
disguis'd.
Alas the day I know not, there is no wo
mans gowne
bigge enough for him: otherwise he might
put on a hat, a
muffler, and a kerchiefe, and so escape.
Good hearts, deuise something: any extremitie,
rather then
a mischiefe.
My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brainford, has a gowne aboue.
On my word it will serue him: shee's as
big as he
is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her
muffler
too: run vp Sir Iohn.
I would my husband would meete him
in this shape: he cannot
abide the old woman of Brain
ford; he sweares
she's a witch, forbad her my house, and
hath
threatned to beate her.
Heauen guide him to thy husbands cud
gell: and the
diuell guide his cudgell afterwards.
Wee'l try that: for Ile appoint my men to
carry the
basket againe, to meete him at the doore with
it, as they
did last time.
Nay, but hee'l be heere presently: let's go
dresse him like the witch of Brainford.
Ile first direct direct my men, what
they
shall doe with the basket: Goe vp, Ile bring linnen
for
him straight.
Go Sirs, take the basket againe on your
shoulders: your
Master is hard at doore: if hee bid you
set it
downe, obey him: quickly, dispatch.
So say I too Sir, come hither Mistris Ford, Mi
stris
Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the
vertu
ous creature, that hath the iealious foole to
her husband:
I suspect without cause
(Mistris) do I?
Heauen be my witnesse you doe, if you
suspect me in
any dishonesty.
Well said Brazon‑face, hold it out: Come forth
sirrah.
Master Page, as I am a man, there
was one con
uay'd out of my house
yesterday in this basket: why
may not he be there
againe, in my house I am sure he is:
my Intelligence is
true, my iealousie is reasonable, pluck
me out all the
linnen.
Helpe to search my house this one time: if I find
not what
I seeke, shew no colour for my extremity: Let
me for euer
be your Tableߛsport: Let them say of me, as
iealous
as Ford, that search'd a hollow
Wall‑nut for his
wiues Lemman. Satisfie me
once more, once more serch
with me.
What hoa (Mistris Page,) come you
and
the old woman downe: my husband will come into the
Chamber.
A witch, a Queane, an olde couzening
queane:
Haue I not forbid her my house. She comes of
errands
do's she? We are simple men, wee doe not
know what's
brought to passe vnder the profession
of Fortune‑telling.
She workes by Charmes, by
Spels, by th'Figure, & such
dawbry as this is,
beyond our Element: wee know no
thing. Come downe
you Witch, you Hagge you, come
downe I say.
Ile Prat‑her: Out of my doore, you
Witch,
you Ragge, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion,
out, out: Ile coniure you, Ile fortune‑tell
you.
By yea, and no, I thinke the o'man is a witch
in
deede: I like not when a o'man has a great peard; I spie
a
great peard vnder his muffler.
Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you fol
low:
see but the issue of my iealousie: If I cry out thus
vpon no traile, neuer trust me when I open
againe.
What thinke you? May we with the war
rant of
woman‑hood, and the witnesse of a good
consci
ence, pursue him with any further
reuenge?
The spirit of wantonnesse is sure scar'd out
of him,
if the diuell haue him not in fee‑simple, with
fine and recouery, he will neuer (I thinke) in the
way of
waste, attempt vs againe.
Shall we tell our husbands how wee haue
seru'd
him?
Yes, by all meanes: if it be but to scrape
the
figures out of your husbands braines: if they can
find
in their hearts, the poore vnuertuous fat
Knight shall be
any further afflicted, wee
two will still bee the mini
sters.
Ile warrant, they'l haue him publiquely
sham'd, and me thinkes there would be no period to
the
iest, should he not be publikely
sham'd.
Sir, the Germane desires to haue three of your
horses: the
Duke himselfe will be to morrow at Court,
and they are
going to meet him.
What Duke should that be comes so secretly?
I heare not of him in the Court: let mee speake with the
Gentlemen, they speake English?
They shall haue my horses, but Ile make them
pay: Ile sauce
them, they haue had my houses a week at
commaund: I haue
turn'd away my other guests, they
must
come off, Ile sawce them, come.
You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: and
has bin
greeuously peaten, as an old o'man: me‑thinkes
there should be terrors in him, that he should not come:
Me‑thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee
shall haue no de
sires
What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick
skin)
speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,
snap.
Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Falstaffe
from
M.
There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,
his standing‑bed and truckle‑bed:
'tis painted about
with the story of the
Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock
and call: hee'l
speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto
thee: Knocke I
say.
There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp
into his
chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come
downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:
Ile call. BullyߛKnight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy
Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine
Ephesian cals.
Here's a Bohemian‑Tartar taries the comming
downe of thy fat‑woman: Let her descend (Bully) let
her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie,
priu
acy? Fie.
There was (mine Host) an old‑fat‑woman euen
now with me, but she's gone.
I marry was it (Mussel‑shell) what would you
with
her?
My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her
seeing her go thorough the
streets, to know (Sir) whe
ther one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a
chaine, had the
chaine, or no.
I would I could haue spoken with the Woman
her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with her
too, from him.
I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master
glad
with these tydings.
Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn)
was there a wise woman with thee?
I that there was (mine Host) one
that hath taught
me more wit, then euer I learn'd
before in my life: and
I paid nothing for it neither, but
was paid for my lear
ning.
Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as
I came beyond
Eaton, they threw me off, from
behinde
one of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres,
and
away; like three Germane‑diuels; three Doctor Faustaffes.
They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine)
doe not say
they be fled: Germanes are
honest men.
Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a
friend of
mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three
Cozen‑Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading,
of Maidenhead; of
Cole‑brooke, of horses and money:
I
tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and
full
of gibes, and vlouting‑stocks: and
'tis not conuenient
you should be cozoned. Fare you
well.
Here (Master Doctor) in
perplexitie, and doubt
full delemma.
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell‑a‑me, dat
you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: by
my trot: der
is no Duke that the Court is know, to
come: I tell you for
good will: adieu.
Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I
am
vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am
vn
done.
I would all the world might be cozond, for I
haue beene
cozond and beaten too: if it should come
to the eare of
the Court, how I haue beene transformed;
and how my
transformation hath beene washd, and
cudgeld, they would
melt mee out of my fat drop by
drop, and liquor
Fishermens‑boots with me: I warrant
they would whip
me with their fine wits, till I were as
crest‑falne as a dride‑peare: I neuer
prosper'd, since I
forswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde were
but
long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come
you?
The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the
other: and so
they shall be both bestowed; I haue
suf
fer'd more for their
sakes; more then the villanous in
constancy
of mans disposition is able to beare.
And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant;
spe
ciously one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beaten
blacke and
blew, that you cannot see a white spot about
her.
What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? I
was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the
Raine
bow: and I was like to be apprehended for the
Witch
of Braineford, but that my
admirable dexteritie of wit,
my counterfeiting the action
of an old woman deliuer'd
me, the knaue Constable
had set me ith'Stocks, ith'com
mon
Stocks, for a Witch.
Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber,
you shall
heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your
content:
here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good‑
hearts)
what a‑doe here is to bring you together? Sure,
one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are
so
cross'd.
Master Fenton, talke not to mee, my
minde is
heauy: I will giue ouer all.
I will heare you (Master Fenton) and
I will (at
the least) keepe your counsell.
Ile prouide you a chaine, and Ile do what I can
to get you
a paire of hornes.
Away I say, time weares, hold vp your head &
mince. How
now M Broome? Master Broome, the mat
ter will be
knowne to night, or neuer. Bee you in the
Parke about
midnight, at Hernes‑Oake, and you shall
see
wonders.
Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you told
me
you had appointed?
I went to her (Master Broome) as you
see, like a
poore‑old‑man, but I came from
her (Master Broome)
like a
poore‑old‑woman; that same knaue (Ford hir
hus
band) hath the finest mad diuell of
iealousie in him (Ma
ster
Broome) that euer gouern'd Frensie. I will tell
you,
he beate me greeuously, in the shape of a woman: (for
in
the shape of Man (Master Broome) I feare not Goliah
with a Weauers beame,
because I know also, life is a
Shuttle) I am in
hast, go along with mee, Ile tell you all
(Master Broome:) since I
pluckt Geese, plaide Trewant,
and whipt Top, I knew not
what 'twas to be beaten, till
lately. Follow mee,
Ile tell you strange things of this
knaue Ford, on whom to night I will be reuenged,
and I
will deliuer his wife into your hand. Follow,
straunge
things in hand (M. Broome) follow.
Come, come: wee'll couch i'th
Castle‑ditch,
till we see the light of our
Fairies. Remember son Slender,
my
I forsooth, I haue spoke with her, & we haue
a
nay‑word, how to know one another. I come to her
in
white, and cry Mum; she cries Budget, and by that
we know one another.
That's good too: But what needes either your
Mum, or
her Budget? The white will decipher her well
enough. It
hath strooke ten a'clocke.
The night is darke, Light and Spirits will be
come it wel: Heauen prosper our sport. No man means
euill
but the deuill, and we shal know him by his hornes.
Lets
away: follow me.
M
you see
your time, take her by the hand, away with her
to the
Deanerie, and dispatch it quickly: go before into
the
Parke: we two must go together.
Fare you well (Sir:) my husband will not
reioyce so much at
the abuse of Falstaffe, as he
will chafe
at the Doctors marrying my daughter: But
'tis no mat
ter; better a little chiding,
then a great deale of heart
breake.
Where is Nan now? and her troop of
Fai
ries? and the Welch‑deuill Herne?
They are all couch'd in a pit hard by Hernes
Oake,
with obscur'd Lights; which at the very instant
of Falstaffes and our
meeting, they will at once display to
the night.
Trib, trib Fairies: Co
parts: be pold
(I pray you) follow me into the pit, and
when I giue the
watch‑'ords, do as I pid you: Come,
come,
trib, trib.
The Windsor‑bell hath stroke twelue: the Mi
nute drawesߛon: Now the hot‑bloodied‑Gods
assist me:
Remember Ioue, thou was't a Bull
for thy Europa, Loue
set on thy
hornes. O powerfull Loue, that in some re
spects makes a Beast a Man: in som other, a Man a
beast.
You were also (Iupiter) a Swan, for the loue
of Leda: O
omnipotent Loue, how nere the God drew to the
com
plexion of a Goose: a fault done first in the
forme of a
beast, (O Ioue, a beastly fault:)
and then another fault,
in the semblance of a Fowle,
thinke on't (Ioue) a fowle‑
fault. When Gods
haue hot backes, what shall poore
men do? For me, I am
heere a Windsor Stagge, and the
fattest (I thinke)
i'th Forrest. Send me a coole rut‑time
(Ioue) or who can blame me to pisse my Tallow? Who
comes heere? my Doe?
My Doe, with the blacke Scut? Let the skie
raine Potatoes:
let it thunder, to the tune of Greene
sleeues,
haile‑kissing Comfits, and snow Eringoes: Let
there come a tempest of prouocation, I will shelter
mee
heere.
Mistris Page is come with me (sweet
hart.)
Diuide me like a brib'd‑Bucke, each a Haunch:
I will keepe my sides to my selfe, my shoulders for the
fellow of this walke; and my hornes I bequeath your
husbands. Am I a Woodman, ha? Speake I like Herne
the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a
child of conscience,
he makes restitution. As I am a
true spirit, welcome.
Nay do not flye, I thinke we haue watcht you
now:
VVill none but Herne the Hunter serue your
turne?
Sir Iohn, we haue had ill lucke: wee could
neuer meete: I will neuer take you for my Loue againe,
but I will alwayes count you my Deere.
And these are not Fairies:
I was three or foure times in the thought they were not
Fairies, and yet the guiltinesse of my minde, the sodaine
surprize of my powers, droue the grossenesse of the
fop
pery into a receiu'd beleefe, in
despight of the teeth of
all rime and reason, that they
were Fairies. See now
how wit may be made a
Iacke‑a‑Lent, when 'tis vpon ill
imployment.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe, serue Got,
and leaue your
desires, and Fairies will not pinse
you.
VVell said Fairy Hugh.
And leaue you your iealouzies too, I pray
you.
I will neuer mistrust my wife againe, till thou
art able to woo her in good English.
Haue I laid my braine in the Sun, and dri'de it,
that it wants matter to preuent so grosse
ore‑reaching as
this? Am I ridden with a Welch
Goate too? Shal I haue
a Coxcombe of Frize? Tis time I
were choak'd with a
peece of toasted
Cheese.
Seese is not good to giue putter; your belly is al
putter.
Seese, and Putter? Haue I liu'd to stand at the
taunt of one that makes Fritters of English? This is
e
nough to be the decay of lust and
late‑walking through
the Realme.
Why Sir Iohn, do you thinke though wee
would haue thrust vertue out of our hearts by the
head
and shoulders, and haue giuen our selues without
scru
ple to hell, that euer the deuill could haue
made you our
delight?
And giuen to Fornications, and to Tauernes,
and Sacke, and
Wine, and Metheglins, and to drinkings
and swearings, and
starings? Pribles and prables?
Well, I am your Theame: you haue the start of
me, I
am deiected: I am not able to answer the Welch
Flannell, Ignorance it selfe is a plummet ore me, vse me
as you will.
Marry Sir, wee'l bring you to Windsor to one
MBroome, that you haue cozon'd of
money, to whom
you should haue bin a Pander: ouer and
aboue that you
haue suffer'd, I thinke, to
repay that money will be a bi
ting affliction.
Yet be cheerefull Knight: thou shalt eat a pos
set to night at my house, wher I will desire thee to laugh
at my wife, that now laughes at thee: Tell her MSlender
hath married her
daughter.
Dispatch'd? Ile make the best in Glostershire
know on't: would I were hang'd la, else.
Of what sonne?
I came yonder at Eaton to marry Mistris Anne Page, and she's a
great lubberly boy. If it had not bene
What neede you tell me that? I think so, when
I tooke a Boy for a Girle: If I had bene married to him,
(for all he was in womans apparrell) I would not haue
had him.
I went to her in greene, and cried Mum, and
she cride
budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and
yet
it was not Anne, but a
Post‑masters boy.
Good George be not angry, I knew of
your purpose:
turn'd my daughter into white, and in
deede
she is now with the Doctor at the Deanrie, and
there married.
Ver is Mistris Page: by gar I am
cozoned, I ha
married oon Garsoon, a boy; oon pesant, by
gar. A boy,
it is not An Page, by
gar, I am cozened.
I am glad, though you haue tane a special stand
to
strike at me, that your Arrow hath glanc'd.
Well, what remedy? Fenton, heauen giue
thee
ioy, what cannot be eschew'd, must be
embrac'd.
When night‑dogges run, all sorts of Deere are
chac'd.