Scena Quinta.
[Act 4, Scene 5]
Enter Host, Simple,
Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans,
Caius,
Quickly.
Host.
What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick
skin)
speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,
[2025]
snap.
Simp.
Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir
Iohn Fal
staffe
from
M.
Slender.
Host.
There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,
his standing‑bed and truckle‑bed:
'tis painted about
[2030]
with the story of the
Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock
and call: hee'l
speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto
thee: Knocke I
say.
Simp.
There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp
into his
chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come
[2035]
downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
Host.
Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:
Ile call. BullyߛKnight, Bully Sir
Iohn: speake from thy
Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine
Ephesian cals.
Fal.
[2040]
How now, mine Host?
Host.
Here's a Bohemian‑Tartar taries the comming
downe of thy fat‑woman: Let her descend (Bully) let
her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie,
priu
acy? Fie.
Fal.
[2045]
There was (mine Host) an old‑fat‑woman euen
now with me, but she's gone.
Simp.
Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise‑woman of
Brainford?
Fal.
I marry was it (Mussel‑shell) what would you
with
her?
Simp.
[2050]
My Master (Sir) my master
Slender, sent to her
seeing her go thorough the
streets, to know (Sir) whe
ther one
Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a
chaine, had the
chaine, or no.
Fal.
I spake with the old woman about it.
Sim.
[2055]
And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
Fal.
Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that
beguil'd Master
Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it.
Simp.
I would I could haue spoken with the Woman
her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with her
too, from him.
Fal.
[2060]
What are they? let vs know.
Host.
I: come: quicke.
Fal.
I may not conceale them (Sir.)
Host.
Conceale them, or thou di'st.
Sim.
Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris
Anne Page, to know if it were my
Masters fortune to
haue her, or no.
Fal.
[2065]
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Sim.
What Sir?
Fal.
To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman told
me so.
Sim.
May I be bold to say so Sir?
Fal.
I Sir: like who more bold.
Sim.
[2070]
I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master
glad
with these tydings.
Host.
Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir
Iohn)
was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal.
I that there was (mine
Host) one
that hath taught
[2075]
me more wit, then euer I learn'd
before in my life: and
I paid nothing for it neither, but
was paid for my lear
ning.
Bar.
Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage.
Host.
Where be my horses? speake well of them var
letto.
Bar.
[2080]
Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as
I came beyond
Eaton, they threw me off, from
behinde
one of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres,
and
away; like three
Germane‑diuels; three Doctor
Fau
staffes
.
Host.
[2085]
They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine)
doe not say
they be fled:
Germanes are
honest men.
Euan.
Where is mine
Host?
Host.
What is the matter Sir?
Euan.
Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a
[2090]
friend of
mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three
Cozen‑Iermans, that has cozend all the
Hosts of
Reading,
of
Maidenhead; of
Cole‑brooke, of horses and money:
I
tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and
full
of gibes, and vlouting‑stocks: and
'tis not conuenient
[2095]
you should be cozoned. Fare you
well.
Cai.
Ver' is mine
Host de Iarteere?
Host.
Here (Master
Doctor) in
perplexitie, and doubt
full delemma.
Cai.
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell‑a‑me, dat
[2100]
you make grand preparation for a Duke
de Iamanie: by
my trot: der
is no Duke that the Court is know, to
come: I tell you for
good will: adieu.
Host.
Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I
am
vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am
vn
[2105]
done.
Fal.
I would all the world might be cozond, for I
haue beene
cozond and beaten too: if it should come
to the eare of
the Court, how I haue beene transformed;
and how my
transformation hath beene washd, and
[2110]
cudgeld, they would
melt mee out of my fat drop by
drop, and liquor
Fishermens‑boots with me: I warrant
they would whip
me with their fine wits, till I were as
crest‑falne as a dride‑peare: I neuer
prosper'd, since I
forswore my selfe at
Primero: well, if my winde were
[2115]
but
long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come
you?
Qui.
From the two parties forsooth.
Fal.
The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the
other: and so
they shall be both bestowed; I haue
suf
[2120]
fer'd more for their
sakes; more then the villanous in
constancy
of mans disposition is able to beare.
Qui.
And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant;
spe
ciously one of them; Mistris
Ford (good heart) is beaten
blacke and
blew, that you cannot see a white spot about
[2125]
her.
Fal.
What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? I
was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the
Raine
bow: and I was like to be apprehended for the
Witch
of
Braineford, but that my
admirable dexteritie of wit,
[2130]
my counterfeiting the action
of an old woman deliuer'd
me, the knaue Constable
had set me ith'Stocks, ith'com
mon
Stocks, for a Witch.
Qu.
Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber,
you shall
heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your
[2135]
content:
here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good‑
hearts)
what a‑doe here is to bring you together? Sure,
one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are
so
cross'd.
Fal.
Come vp into my Chamber.
Exeunt.
