Actus primus, Scena prima.
[Act 1, Scene 1]
Enter Iustice
Shallow,
Slender,
Sir
Hugh Euans, Master
Page, Falstoffe, Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page,
Mistresse
Ford, Mistresse
Page, Simple.
Shallow.
SIr
Hugh,
perswade me not: I will make a Star‑Chamber
matter of
it, if hee were twenty Sir
Iohn
Falstoffs
, he shall not abuse
Robert Shallow
Esquire.
Slen.
[5]
In the County of
Glocester,
Iustice of Peace and
(Coram.
Shal.
I (Cosen
Slender) and
Cust‑alorum.
Slen.
I, and
Rato lorum too; and a Gentleman
borne
(Master Parson) who writes himselfe
Armigero, in any
[10]
Bill, Warrant,
Quittance, or Obligation,
Armigero.
Shal.
I that I doe, and haue done any time these three
hundred
yeeres.
Slen.
All his successors (gone before him) hath don't:
and
all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they
[15]
may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate.
Shal.
It is an olde Coate.
Euans.
The dozen white Lowses doe become an old
Coat well: it
agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to
man,
and signifies Loue.
Shal.
[20]
The Luse is the fresh‑fish, the
salt‑fish, is an old
Coate.
Slen.
I may quarter (Coz).
Shal.
You may, by marrying.
Euans.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal.
[25]
Not a whit.
Shal.
Yes per‑lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat,
there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple
con
iectures; but that is all one: if Sir
Iohn Falstaffe haue
committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the Church
[30]
and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make
attone
ments and compremises betweene you.
Shal.
The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot.
Euan.
It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there
is no feare
of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you)
[35]
shall desire to
heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a
Riot: take your
viza‑ments in that.
Shal.
Ha; o' my life, if I were yong againe, the sword
should end it.
Euans.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
[40]
it: and
there is also another deuice in my praine, which
peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is
Anne Page, which is daughter to
Master Thomas Page,
which is
pretty virginity.
Slen.
Mistris Anne Page? she has browne
haire, and
[45]
speakes small like a woman.
Euans.
It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as
you will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes,
and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand‑sire vpon his
deaths‑
bed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull
resurrections) giue, when
[50]
she is able to ouertake
seuenteene yeeres old. It were a
goot motion, if we leaue
our pribbles and prabbles, and
desire a marriage betweene
Master
Abraham, and Mistris
Anne Page.
Slen.
Did her Grand‑sire leaue her seauen hundred
[55]
pound?
Euan.
I, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Slen.
I know the young Gentlewoman, she hasgood
gifts.
Euan.
Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is
[60]
goot gifts.
Shal.
Wel, let vs see honest M
r
Page: is
Falstaffe there?
Euan.
Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a
lyer, as I
doe despise one that is false, or as I despise
one that is not
[65]
true: the Knight Sir
Iohn is there, and I beseech you be
ruled by your
well‑willers: I will peat the doore for M
r.
Page. What hoa? Got‑plesse your house
here.
M
r. Page.
Who's there?
Euan.
Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and
Iu
[70]
stice
Shallow, and
heere yong Master
Slender: that
perad
uentures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to
your likings.
M
r. Page.
I am glad to see your Worships well: I
thanke you for my
Venison Master
Shallow.
Shal.
[75]
Master
Page, I am glad to see you:
much good
doe it your good heart: I wish'd your
Venison better, it
was ill killd: how doth good
Mistresse
Page? and I thank
you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart.
M.Page.
Sir, I thanke you.
Shal.
[80]
Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe.
M.Pa.
I am glad to see you, good Master
Slender.
Slen.
How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard
say he
was out‑run on
Cotsall.
M.Pa.
It could not be iudg'd, Sir.
Slen.
[85]
You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse.
Shal.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault:
'tis a good dogge.
M.Pa.
A Cur, Sir.
Shal.
Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there
[90]
be
more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir
Iohn Falstaffe
heere?
M.Pa.
Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a
good
office betweene you.
Euan.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake.
Shal.
[95]
He hath wrong'd me (Master
Page.)
M.Pa.
Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it.
Shal.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that
so (M.
Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed
he hath, at a
word he hath: beleeue me,
Robert Shallow Esquire, saith
[100]
he is wronged.
Ma.Pa
Here comes Sir
Iohn.
Fal.
Now, Master
Shallow, you'll
complaine of me to
the King?
Shal.
Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my
[105]
deere, and
broke open my Lodge.
Fal.
But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter?
Shal.
Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd.
Fal.
I will answere it strait, I haue done all this:
That is now answer'd.
Shal.
[110]
The Councell shall know this.
Fal.
'Twere better for you if it were known in
councell:
you'll be laugh'd at.
Eu.
Pauca verba; (Sir
Iohn) good worts.
Fal.
Good worts? good Cabidge;
Slender, I broke
[115]
your head: what matter haue you against me?
Slen.
Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you,
and
against your cony‑catching Rascalls,
Bardolf,
Nym,
and
Pistoll.
Bar.
You Banbery Cheese.
Slen.
[120]
I, it is no matter.
Pist.
How now,
Mephostophilus?
Slen.
I, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say;
pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor.
Slen.
Where's
Simple my man? can you
tell, Cosen?
Eua.
[125]
Peace, I pray
you: now let vs vnderstand: there
is three Vmpires
in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is,
Master
Page (fidelicet
Master
Page,) & there is my
selfe,
(fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is
(lastly, and finally)
mine Host
of the Gater.
Ma.Pa
[130]
We three to hear it, & end it between them.
Euan.
Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my
note‑booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the
cause,
with as great discreetly as we can.
Fal.
Pistoll.
Pist.
[135]
He heares with eares.
Euan.
The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this?
he heares with
eare? why, it is affectations.
Fal.
Pistoll, did you picke M.
Slenders purse?
Slen.
I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I might
[140]
neuer come
in mine owne great chamber againe else, of
seauen groates
in mill‑sixpences, and two
Edward
Shouelboords,
that cost me two shilling and
two pence a
peece of
Yead Miller:
by these gloues.
Fal.
Is this true,
Pistoll?
Euan.
[145]
No, it is false, if it is a picke‑purse.
Pist.
Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir
Iohn,
and
Master mine, I combat challenge of this Latine
Bilboe:
word of deniall in thy
labras here; word of denial; froth,
and scum thou
liest.
Slen.
[150]
By these gloues, then 'twas he.
Nym.
Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I will
say
marry trap with you, if you runne the nut‑hooks
humor
on me, that is the very note of it.
Slen.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for
[155]
though I
cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunke, yet I
am not altogether an asse.
Fal.
What say you
Scarlet, and
Iohn?
Bar.
Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had
drunke
himselfe out of his fiue sentences.
Eu.
[160]
It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance
is.
Bar.
And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: and
so
conclusions past the Car‑eires.
Slen.
I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no
matter;
Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue
againe, but in honest,
[165]
ciuill, godly company for
this tricke: if I be drunke, Ile
be drunke with those that
haue the feare of God, and not
with drunken knaues.
Euan.
So got‑udge me, that is a vertuo
us minde.
Fal.
You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen;
[170]
you
heare it.
M
r.Page.
Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll
drinke
within.
Slen.
Oh heauen: This is Mistresse
Anne
Page
.
M
r.Page.
How now Mistris
Ford?
Fal.
[175]
Mistris Ford,
by my troth you are very wel met:
by your leaue good
Mistris.
M
r.Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come,
we haue a hot
Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentle
men, I
hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse.
Slen.
[180]
I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke
of Songs
and Sonnets heere: How now
Simple, where
haue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must
I? you
haue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue
you?
Sim.
Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to
[185]
Alice Short‑cake vpon Alhallowmas
last, a fortnight afore
Michaelmas.
Shal.
Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word
with you
Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a ten
der,
a kinde of tender, made a farre‑off by Sir
Hugh here:
[190]
doe you vnderstand
me?
Slen.
I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall doe that that is reason.
Shal.
Nay, but vnderstand me.
Slen.
So I doe Sir.
Euan.
[195]
Giue eare to his motions; (M
r.
Slender) I
will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of
it.
Slen.
Nay, I will doe as my Cozen
Shallow saies:
I
pray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace
in his Countrie,
simple though I stand
here.
Euan.
[200]
But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.
Shal.
I, there's the point Sir.
Eu.
Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mr.
An
Page
.
Slen.
Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any reasonable
[205]
demands.
Eu.
But can you affection the 'o‑man, let
vs command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips:
for diuers
Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of
the mouth:
therfore precisely,
cācan
you carry your
good wil to yͤ maid?
Sh.
[210]
Cosen
Abraham Slender, can you loue
her?
Slen.
I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would doe
reason.
Eu.
Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake
possitable, if you can carry‑her your desires
towards her.
Shal.
[215]
That you must:
Will you, (vpon good dowry) marry
her?
Slen.
I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your
request (Cosen) in any reason.
Shal.
Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz):
What I doe is
to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue the
[220]
maid?
Slen.
I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if
there
bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauen
may
decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when wee
are
married, and haue more occasion to know one ano
[225]
ther:
I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content:
but
if you say mary‑her, I will mary‑her, that I am
freely
dissolued, and dissolutely.
Eu.
It is a fery discretion‑answere; saue the fall is in
the 'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our
mea
[230]
ning) resolutely: his meaning is good.
Sh.
I: I thinke my Cosen meant well.
Sl.
I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.)
Sh.
Here comes faire Mistris
Anne; would
I were
yong for your sake, Mistris
Anne.
An.
[235]
The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires
your worships
company.
Sh.
I will wait on him, (faire Mistris
Anne.)
Eu.
Od's plessed‑wil: I wil not be
absēceabsence
at
the grace.
An.
Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir?
Sl.
[240]
No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very well.
An.
The dinner attends you, Sir.
Sl.
I am not a‑hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe,
Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen
Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime
may be beholding
[245]
to his friend, for a Man; I keepe but
three Men, and a
Boy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet
I liue like a poore Gentleman borne.
An.
I may not goe in without your worship: they
will not sit
till you come.
Sl.
[250]
I'faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as
though I did.
An.
I pray you Sir walke in.
Sl.
I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'd
my
shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and
Dag
[255]
ger with a Master of Fence (three veneys
for a dish of
stew'd Prunes) and by my troth,
I cannot abide the smell
of hot meate since. Why doe your
dogs barke so? be
there Beares ith' Towne?
An.
I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of.
Sl.
[260]
I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell
at it,
as any man in
England: you are afraid if
you see the
Beare loose, are you not?
An.
I indeede Sir.
Sl.
That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene
[265]
Saskerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken
him by the
Chaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so
cride
and shrekt at it, that it past: But women
indeede, cannot
abide 'em, they are very
ill‑fauour'd rough things.
Ma.Pa
Come, gentle M.
Slender, come; we
stay for you.
Sl.
[270]
Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir.
Ma.Pa
By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir:
come,
come.
Sl.
Nay, pray you lead the way.
Ma.Pa.
Come on, Sir.
Sl.
Mistris
Anne: your selfe shall goe
first.
An.
[275]
Not I Sir, pray you keepe on.
Sl.
Truely I will not goe first: truly‑la: I will
not
doe you that wrong.
An.
I pray you Sir.
Sl.
Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: you
doe your
selfe wrong indeede‑la.