Actus Secundus. Scœna
[Act 2, Scene 1]
Enter Mistris Page,
Pistoll, Nim, Quickly, Host, Shallow.
What, haue scap'd Loue‑letters in the
holly‑day‑time of my beauty, and am I now a
for them? let me see?
Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though
Loue vse Rea
son for his precisian, hee admits him
not for his Counsailour:
you are not yong, no more am I:
goe to then, there's simpathie:
you are merry, so
am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie:
sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie?
it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if
the Loue of
Souldier can suffice, that I loue thee:
I will not say pitty mee,
'tis not a
Souldier‑like phrase; but I say, loue me:
By me, thine owne true Knight, by day or
Or any kinde of light, with all his
For thee to fight. Iohn
Iurie is this? O wicked, wicked world:
One that is well‑nye worne to peeces with age
To show himselfe a yong Gallant? What an vnwaied
Behauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt (with
The Deuills name) out of my conuersation, that he dares
In this manner assay me? why, hee hath not beene thrice
In my Company: what should I say to him? I was then
Frugall of my mirth: (heauen forgiue mee:) why Ile
Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe
of men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd
will be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Mistris Page, trust me, I was
going to your
And trust me, I was comming to you: you
Nay Ile nere beleeee that; I haue to shew
'Faith but you doe in my minde.
Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shew
you to the
contrary: O Mistris
Page, giue mee
What's the matter, woman?
O woman: if it were not for one trifling
spect,I could come to such honour.
Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:
what is it?
dispence with trifles: what is it?
If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall
moment, or so:
I could be knighted.
What thou liest? Sir
Knights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the
ticle of thy Gentry.
Wee burne day‑light: heere, read, read:
I might bee knighted, I shall thinke the
worse of fat men,
as long as I haue an eye to make diffe
mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare:
praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and
behaued reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I
sworne his disposition would haue gone to the
his words: but they doe no more adhere and keep
together, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of
Greensleeues: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with
Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?
How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best way
were, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked
of lust haue melted him in his owne
greace: Did you e
uer heare the like?
Letter for letter; but that the name of
Ford differs: to thy
great comfort in this my
stery of ill
opinions, heere's the twyn‑brother of thy
ter: but let thine inherit first,
for I protest mine neuer
shall: I warrant he hath a
thousand of these Letters, writ
for different names (sure more): and
these are of
the second edition: hee will print them out
of doubt: for
he cares not what hee puts into the presse,
when he would
put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,
and lye vnder
Pelion: Well; I will find you
tie lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste
Why this is the very same: the very hand:
the very words:
what doth he thinke of vs?
Nay I know not: it makes me almost rea
wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertaine
selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: for
vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I know
not my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in this
Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepe
So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,
Ile neuer to Sea
againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let's
appoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort in
his Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till
hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the
Nay, I wil consent to act any villany against
that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: oh
that my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternall
food to his iealousie.
Why look where he comes; and my good
man too: hee's
as farre from iealousie, as I am from gi
cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable
You are the happier woman.
Let's consult together against this greasie
Knight: Come hither.
Well: I hope, it be not so.
Hope is a curtall‑dog in some affaires:
Iohn affects thy
Why sir, my wife is not young.
He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor,
and old, one with another (
Ford) he loues
Loue my wife?
With liuer, burning hot: preuent:
Or goe thou like Sir
Ring‑wood at thy heeles: O, odious is the name.
What name Sir?
The horne I say: Farewell:
Take heed, haue open eye, for theeues doe foot by night.
Take heed, ere sommer comes, or Cuckoo‑birds do sing.
Away sir Corporall
Beleeue it (
Page) he speakes sence.
I will be patient: I will find out this.
And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:
wronged mee in some humors: I should haue
humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:
shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;
There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall
Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my
Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not
mour of bread and cheese: adieu.
The humour of it (quoth'a?) heere's a fellow
frights English out of his wits.
I will seeke out
I neuer heard such a drawling‑affecting
If I doe finde it: well.
I will not beleeue such a
Priest o' th' Towne commended him for a true
'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.
Whether goe you (
George?) harke you.
How now (sweet
Frank) why art thou
I melancholy? I am not melancholy:
Get you home: goe.
Faith, thou hast some crochets in thy head,
Now: will you goe,
Haue with you: you'll come to dinner
George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall
Messenger to this paltrie Knight.
Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit
You are come to see my daughter
I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse
Go in with vs and see: we haue an houres
How now Master Ford?
You heard what this knaue told me, did you not?
Yes, and you heard what the other told me?
Doe you thinke there is truth in them?
Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight
offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent
towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men:
ry rogues, now they be out of seruice.
Were they his men?
Marry were they.
I like it neuer the beter for that,
Do's he lye at the Garter?
I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voy
toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;
what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let it
on my head.
I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would bee
loath to turne
them together: a man may be too confi
dent: I would
haue nothing lye on my head: I cannot
Looke where my ranting‑Host of the Garter
comes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in his
purse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mine
How now Bully‑Rooke: thou'rt a Gentleman
Caueleiro Iustice, I say.
I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good‑euen,
twenty (good Master
Page, wil you go
vs? we haue sport in hand.
Tell him Caueleiro‑Iustice: tell him
Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir
Hugh the Welch Priest, and
Caius the French Doctor.
Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with
What saist thou, my Bully‑Rooke?
Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry
had the measuring of their weapons; and (I
appointed them contrary places: for (be
I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will
you what our sport shall be.
Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my
None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of
burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell
my name is
Broome: onely for a
My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and
(said I well?) and thy name shall be
is a merry Knight: will you goe
Haue with you mine Host.
I haue heard the Frenchߛman hath good skill
Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these
stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's,
I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master
Page) 'tis heere,
'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my
would haue made you fowre tall
fellowes skippe like
Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?
Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold,
Page be a secure foole, and stands so
firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot
put‑off my o
pinion so easily: she was in
his company at
what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke
further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound
her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be
wise, 'tis labour well